The definition of courage is to have strength in the face of pain or grief. By having courage to accept what is and allow these challenges to be accepted as a part of the journey, it invites perspective into the process. Life is not linear: it is composed of highs and lows and is a vast journey of transformation and lessons. We will have joy and sadness, birth and death, wins and losses, expansion and contraction, love and heartbreak. Change is inevitable. From my experiences and fair share of ups and downs, I have come to learn that our ability to surrender to life’s natural rhythms and periods of discomfort is actually one of our most valuable tools. This power of surrender that I speak of doesn’t mean to simply give up. It means to learn to ride the waves of life, to surrender to what is.
Sometimes we catch beautiful, effortless, blissful waves and sometimes gnarly, terrifying, chaotic waves knock us right off our surfboard. When those beautiful waves come along, I always encourage others and myself to really soak in those moments, to ride every last second of it, and reflect on the sheer amazement in those moments of bliss. In contrast, when one of those waves knocks you down, the best thing you can do in that moment is to just surrender to what is, until the wave calms down and you can catch a break to swim to the surface.
This is about surrendering to what is happening in the moment – not trying to change it, but accepting it and looking for the lesson in it. For every experience filled with discomfort or hardship, there is always an opportunity to learn a new lesson or skill. The lessons may not surface immediately, and, in fact, it may not be clear until years later, but if you remain patient and open minded, there will always be lessons learned and new skills developed.
It is, however, a matter of choice. We always have a choice to respond with curiosity, rather than with contempt. A curiosity to consider where the universe is stretching us to grow in that moment. Eckhart Tolle explains this very eloquently:
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
Within this process, you may experience extreme confusion or pain or you may feel absolutely broken and angry at the world. These feelings are unpleasant, but it is crucial that we feel these emotions and move through them. For when we suppress them for too long, or numb ourselves, these emotions will surface later on or can lead to chronic illness, insomnia, depression, anxiety, and addiction, or undesired repeated actions.
When we feel broken apart, it doesn't mean that we have failed: it is another invitation to grow, transform and ultimately expand ourselves. In my opinion, it is about feeling what you are feeling in the moment, but then allowing yourself to accept and surrender to what is, learning to flow and adapt to whatever is happening in that moment. During times where it feels very overwhelming or unfair, ask yourself, what am I being called to learn right now? Finding the answers will be an individualized and personal journey. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support when you need it.
A couple of years ago, I was physically assaulted by another woman. Not only was I left with two fractured ribs, a concussion, a separated shoulder and torn neck muscles, it was emotionally traumatic. This event surfaced a lot of negative emotions like shame, anger, sadness, frustration and I felt very broken. During this period where I felt broken, I found myself disconnecting and numbing what I was going through. I got really good at pretending everything was okay on the outside. Over time, I realized that I was not only numbing my negative emotions, but I was also numbing the positive ones. I was struggling to experience joy and love from within. Having been in this space before, I knew that I was the only one that was going to get myself out of what I was going through. I surrendered to what was happening in the moment, and made the choice to discover what this experience was calling forth for me to learn. With the help from other practitioners, healers and guides, I began a very deep healing journey. This incident created a profound opening for me to once again, go deeply within. I now have a vast amount of gratitude for the lessons that I have learned from that experience.
I believe that whenever life deals us those waves that can throw us off our center, or experiences that are just down right incredibly challenging, it brings forth an opportunity for change and growth. These waves stretch us and create openings and opportunities to go deeper within, to learn more about our souls and what we have come to this planet to learn and what we are destined to do. These journeys are not always easy though. It takes courage to allow you to explore and learn. It takes courage to allow these challenges to change you. It often requires that we unearth those shadow parts of ourselves and sit with it. It can be really uncomfortable and hard to find lessons in the pain, which is why not everyone does it. Disconnecting and numbing ourselves is often much easier, but tends to leave things in a state of stasis or destruction. When you courageously and consciously work on your own personal healing, it is admirable and rewarding. Little by little, the more we connect to ourselves – all the parts of ourselves – we begin to experience life more deeply and more in alignment with what our heart and soul desires. For this change that I speak of is ultimately a journey of re-connection back to the authentic self and soul. A re-connection to the essence within and ultimately when that happens, it creates an internal power that radiates outward. When we can be more in our power and living from a space of growth and connection, we can ultimately live more in alignment with what our soul wants. This is where we experience the magic.
“She did not find the grim in falling apart. For every time she found herself broken, she knew she was brutally remaking herself, and collapsing to be reborn like a rioting star; haunting the dark sky.” – R.M. Drake